


Dated Emotions

by kyunniebb



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-03-20 05:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18985876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyunniebb/pseuds/kyunniebb
Summary: Changkyun. Wonho. Letters to each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I just felt like writing an angsty Wonkyun.

Changkyun sighed softly as he sealed the last box. He hesitated before looking up wistfully at his current apartment. Empty. Quiet. Barren. Like how it’s been for the last few months.

Feeling oddly drained, he sat down and closed his eyes, hoping that the tiredness would leave. However as always, memories flashed quickly in his mind. Quick, flickering jump cuts, buzzed as though due to bad static. Pink hair. Cute giggles. Playful shoves. Tears. Raised voices. More tears. Anger. Fights. Heartbreak. Tears. Whispered promises. Whispered i love you(s).

Changkyun opened his eyes and huff softly, “Enough. Im Changkyun. Stop thinking about it.” 

His phone beeped. Huh, perfect timing. _< We’re reaching in 5. Make sure everything is packed Kyunnie!>_ Changkyun smiled softly upon reading Minhyuk’s text.

Getting himself together, he quickly stood up to do a last quick check of the apartment. He would hate to forget something and having to make his way back here. Satisfied that he got everything, he finally relaxed on the couch. The one that they bought together after multiple disagreements.

Changkyun snickered softly to himself remembering it all. 

“We do NOT need an L-shaped couch for just the two of us.” 

“What even is that colour?” 

“If you choose an anime-motif couch once more and tell me to get it Im Changkyun, I swear to god.” 

Good times.

The bell than rang, jostling him out of his thoughts. Huh, Changkyun didn’t even realise that he was tearing up. Idiot. He quickly wiped his eyes before plastering a smile on his face.

Minhyuk and Kihyun smiled upon seeing his face as soon as the door opened before narrowing their eyes. Well Kihyun did while Minhyuk outwardly frowned. 

“Did you cry?” Minhyuk asked. 

Changkyun rolled his eyes, “No hyung I didn’t. Why would I?”

Kihyun frowned while Minhyuk shook it off. 

“Ready? Have you checked everything?” 

Changkyun nodded. Kihyun hummed before starting his own inspection. Changkyun racked his brains trying to remember if there was anything left. None to his knowledge. But knowing Kihyun hyung, he’d probably find something left behind anyway.

Kihyun did a quick sweep of the rooms before entering the study room last. Opening the drawers one by one. He nearly hummed in satisfaction since he couldn’t find any forgotten items but alas, it didn’t last.

In the top left drawer, a notebook can be seen. Kihyun huffed in exasperation. 

“I swear, it’s like they do this purposely for me to be annoyed,” he thought. 

Taking the book out, he tensed as he saw the name written on it.

_ Lee Hoseok. _

* * *

Changkyun groaned as he finally moved the last of the boxes in. Moving houses is definitely not a one-man job. Ugh, if only Hoseok was here. Changkyun slapped his face immediately after he had that stray thought.  


"Stop it, Im Changkyun."

He made quick work of ensuring his new place looks lived in after shooting a quick text to his hyungs, _< Still can't believe you guys left me all by my lonesome just because of your damn date nights. What kind of hyungs?>_

Thank god he only has a few boxes - allowing him to finish the job within a few hours. After a totally well-deserved dinner and shower, the brunette crashed on his bed, limbs askew. He inwardly groaned as he realised that his mobile charger is in his damn backpack and ugh he had to move and get it. "Okay maybe I might not need to charge my phone," he thought before lighting it up.

4%.

"Ugh. I definitely have to charge this stupid brick."

Changkyun got up sluggishly and got his backpack. Unzipping it, his eyes focused on a black and white notebook that was _definitely_ not there when he packed this bag. His eyes narrowed and his hands unknowingly tremble - as though giving him a sign to _not_ take it out. But Changkyun is not the type to really listen to what others, or in this case his hands, tell him to. Taking the notebook out, his heart stuttered.

His breathing sharpened and his hands trembled even more as he gently rubs the name written on the cover.

_ Lee Hoseok. _

* * *

Lee Hoseok.

A name that holds many meanings. A name that makes Changkyun feel a turmoil of emotions. A name that is able to revert Changkyun back to his 20-year-old self. A name that... Changkyun is still unable to see, speak or even hear about. And yet, the name is glaringly obvious on the cover, as though taunting him to look at it.  


"Idiot. He must have forgotten it," Changkyun thought.

He bit his lip as his fingers itched to flip through the pages. Isn't it an invasion of privacy? What if there are confidential information in there? But then again, if it is really important, _he_ wouldn't have forgotten it would he? Changkyun closed his eyes briefly before steeling himself. The notebook was left behind. It's Changkyun's now. Finders keepers. He can open it if he wants to.

So he did.

* * *

_24 December 2017 _

I forgot I had this notebook tucked away in between my books. I guess it's time I use it right?

I am currently writing this using a night light in bed while Kyunnie is asleep beside me. He looks so peaceful. I wish he can look that peaceful even in the day. I wish he can see himself as to how I always see him. _Beautiful. Perfect. Mine._

Why do you hate yourself every time I compliment you? All you do is doubt it then turn the compliment around on me. I could say your smile is the bright ray of sunshine peaking through the dark clouds of the gloomy day and you would say your smile was the clouds while mine is the sunshine.

Why can't you see yourself the way I see you?

Because in my eyes, you're perfect. Your skin glows like the bright unpure snow on a sunny winter morning. Your eyes shine brightly, reflecting the warmth of the sun and just being a million hues so I wonder why I even call it something so basic as 'brown'. Your touch is as warm as the crisp fire in winter. Just by your touch, you make me forget the world.

_You're beautiful. Enchanting. Mine._

My wildest dream is that you'll see yourself the way I see you.

I love you.

* * *

Changkyun's eyes turned glassy as he read the first entry. 24 December 2017. Two years ago.

When he still had Hoseok.

When he was still happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all can hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kyunniebb) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/kyunniebb).
> 
> Okay, love you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I don't write much on here since most of my AUs are on twt but I didn't forget about this.
> 
> I tend to write chapters on here when... I feel myself stuck for my twt AUs so uh enjoy this second chapter?

This is unhealthy. Changkyun gazed at his phone. 3:35am.

Multiple unread messages from Ki and Min hyung. Multiple missed calls from everyone. But none from him.

**Ki hyung:**

_< Kyunnie. How’s everything? Settled in? Don’t forget to unpack your toiletries first! Also make sure to check that you have everything ready for Monday! >_

_< Kyunnie? Are you asleep? >_

_< Kyunnie? You’re worrying me. Are you okay? > _Yes, I am Ki hyung.

 _< Kyunnie? Are you okay? > _Yes, I am.

 _< Kyunnie? Are you okay? > _No. No. No. I’m not okay.

_< Do you need me there? I’ll go if you need me too. >_

_< Okay, Hyunwoo said I’m overreacting and you’re probably asleep. I hope he’s right although my gut feeling says no. Please take care. Goodnight Kyunnie. Please text me when you’re awake. >_

**Min hyung:**

_< I can’t wait for all the parties we will have at your apartment!!!! So close to uni too!!!!! >_

_< Wonnie just said congratulations on getting into the masters programme!!!! He’s proud of you even though he said he isn’t. >_

_< Yah Changkyun. Wake up. I look like a fool texting so many times with no replies. >_

_< Yah! Ki hyung is losing his mind. He’s interrupting my date. Tell him you’re alright please. >_

_< Changkyun? >_

_< Are you asleep? >_

_< Yah. Sigh, text me when you’re awake. I’m worried. We’re worried. We’re _ **_all_ ** _worried. >_

**Missed calls:**

25 missed calls from Ki hyung

8 missed calls from Min hyung

7 missed calls from Honey hyung

3 missed calls from Wonnie hyung

1 missed call from Nunu hyung

...

_0 missed calls from Lee Hoseok._

Changkyun shook his head before sending a quick texts to his hyungs, apologising and explaining that he fell asleep whilst unpacking. His eyes darted to the bedside drawer, before he turned away quickly and sighed. No, he should not read more of those entries. They’re personal. They’re Hoseok’s. Not Changkyun’s. It’s not the situation where “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” anymore. They’re two separate entities now.

Changkyun’s eyes kept on darting towards his bedside drawer. After a tumultuous evening where all he did was cry, he immediately stuffed the notebook and locked it in. It’s not good to dwell on the past. And that notebook? It’s the past. _Their past._ Changkyun is meant to start afresh. Start anew. Wasn’t that what they promised to each other? Before going their separate ways. Changkyun wondered if Hoseok turned to look back then. Because he did. Of course, it was too late. He could only watch as Hoseok’s back got smaller and smaller as he walked away. Walking away from Changkyun. _Walking away from them._

So Changkyun walked away too.

* * *

_18 January 2018_

Once again I forgot I actually have this notebook. It’s been a while since I’ve written in here isn’t it? It’s a new year now. Kkukkungie’s birthday is coming soon too. Ah, I don’t know what to get him. It has to be really special. He deserves it after all. Minhyuk said I should be romantic and write a letter. That’s not a bad idea but... I’m not exactly romantic haha.

I guess there’s no better time than now? I do know what to write in it though but..... how do I start??!! This is so nerve wrecking oh god please I’m just a shy boy. But I guess, if I write it in here first, I think I won’t be as embarrassed as writing it for the first time? Ah, my face is red. I’m embarrassed already. Who knew Lee Hoseok could be so cheesy?

Maybe I won’t write him a letter. Should I just.... write him a song? Maybe I should. Yeah that’s what I’d do.

Ah. Im Changkyun, what are you doing to me. How can you make me feel so many things at once and still don’t know the power you hold over me?

_I’ll love you forever and you’re the only one I’d love till the end._

* * *

Changkyun chuckled softly with tears running down his cheeks. He remembered that birthday. He remembered the feeling of being so overwhelmingly loved as Hoseok played what’s apparently _his_ song on the piano. He remembered the look in Hoseok’s eyes as he sang while looking at him. Eyes filled with love just for him. Love for Im Changkyun.

 

_It's you, it's always you_

_If I'm ever gonna fall in love I know it's gon' be you_

_It's you, it's always you_

_Met a lot of people, but nobody feels like you_

 

Changkyun winced as the lyrics rebounded in his head. How he wished what the lyrics said fell through. _It’s always you._

Apparently _always_ meant just 3 years. How quaint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can hit up the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXGycbkbtW0here) \- it's Ali Gatie's "It's You".
> 
> Y’all can hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kyunniebb) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/kyunniebb).
> 
> Okay, love you.


End file.
